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"Paul Rudnick makes me lie hysterical at the flooring, screeching with laughter and sobbing with fury that i will not write the way in which he does." -- E. Lockhart, writer of We have been Liars and The Disreputable background of Frankie Landau-Banks
 
My identify is Caitlin and up till forty-eight hours in the past I had never:
 
Tasted alcohol, kissed a boy, sang in public on the best of my lungs, abducted a person or -- WHAT? STOLEN A CONVERTIBLE?
 
Now i am in detention center and i've no proposal what i will tell:
 
The police, my mom and dad, the mayor, all of these digicam crews and everybody on Twitter.
 
i've got simply spotted that:
 
My nostril is pierced and that i have-WAIT? IS TATTOO?
 
I blame one individual for this whole insane weekend:
 
My well-known cousin.
 
who's additionally my former most sensible friend.
 
Who i've got HATED for the previous 4 years.
 
Who I omit like loopy. NO I DON'T!!!!
 
it is all YOUR FAULT, HELLER HARRIGAN!!!!
 

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The place are you? ” “Cateeee … ,” acknowledged a wierd ghostly voice. “Caitlin Singleberreeee …” “Stop it! ” “I am the ghost of the Sweetcakes factoreeee …” “You aren't! ” “I’m going to make you devour sophisticated sugar! ” anything grabbed me from at the back of and that i screamed! “HELLER!!! ” “CATEY!!! ” stated Heller, imitating me, which made us either commence giggling back. “Come ON! ” stated Sophie from a number of yards away. “Stop playing around! i feel i discovered the appropriate door! ” there has been a hissing noise after which a dim gentle seemed as Sophie opened a wide metal door. Sophie was once silhouetted within the gentle. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! this can be it! We’re the following! If I didn’t, like, have melanoma, i'd have a middle assault! ” A blaze of sunshine flooded the hallway. “I came upon the sunshine swap! Get in the following! ” “I can’t! It’s incorrect! We’re trespassing! ” “Catey,” stated Heller. “You can do that. i do know you could. ” Heller was once grinning. She grabbed my arm and dragged me into the room. I made outraged noises yet in simple terms simply because i used to be stable at it. Sophie was once within. “Look at it! ” acknowledged Sophie. “I can’t think it! It’s like, like, simply what I constantly dreamed of! in basic terms loads approach greater! It’s like, oh my God, probably I simply died and I’m in heaven! ” “But we’re the following too,” I stated. “Maybe all of us died in a automobile coincidence! Wouldn’t that be remarkable? ” “SOPHIE! ” I stayed close to the door as Sophie and Heller explored the room. every little thing used to be very fresh and bold, with iron girders and catwalks and ovens the scale of two-car garages, and there has been a conveyor belt that was once miles lengthy winding all around the room, getting into and exiting different hulks of equipment. “Over listed here are the baking pans! ” acknowledged Sophie, as though she’d stumbled on gold. “You can inform through different shapes—this one’s for the Yumlogs, this one’s for the LuckyPucks, and correct over there, that’s the bin the place they toss the faulty cupcakes! ” “What’s a faulty cupcake? ” I questioned. “Ava Lily Larrimore,” stated Heller. “Over here,” stated Sophie, “oh my God oh my God oh my God—it’s the Sweetcakes construction circuit! With the rotating mixer! ” Sophie seemed again at us, together with her palms protecting her mouth and her eyes bursting out of her head. Her topknot used to be quivering. “Look at her,” Heller stated to me. “She’s so satisfied. ” “I bet in a way,” I acknowledged, “this position is the other of a health facility. ” “Hospitals suck,” acknowledged Heller. “I know,” I stated. Heller checked out me, simply because we have been either remembering a similar factor: the weeks I’d spent in a medical institution. Heller began to say whatever and that i began to say whatever yet we either stopped. the topic used to be nonetheless off-limits. “You men! ” Sophie gasped. “There it really is! precisely the place i assumed it used to be going to be! this can be, like, Mount Everest or the Statue of Liberty or I don’t understand, the moon! No, it’s approach higher than the moon, ’cause I don’t wanna placed the moon in my mouth! It’s … it’s …” Sophie’s voice dropped octaves. “It’s … the SQUIGGLE CONE. ” Heller and that i joined Sophie as she stood beside a ten-foot-high mirror-bright silver steel cone-shaped machine that tapered to a tiny gap on the backside, the place it hovered a couple of inches over the conveyor belt.

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